I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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