Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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