is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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