I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
