my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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