One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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