All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
