Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
