All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
