I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
