Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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