Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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