Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
