I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
