I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
