i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
