my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
