some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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