This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
