I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Be still, my beating vagina.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
