I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
