Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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