hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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