He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
