I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize