Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
