How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
