RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
