Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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