I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
