I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What a dumb baby whore.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize