anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
