i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
