My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
