My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
