I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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