Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize