If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
