Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
