If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
