I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can't motorboat a personality
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
