If that was your dad, he is hot
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
