if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
