You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize