If i come over, it means nothing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
