I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize