feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
