i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
