I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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