Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
