You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you made out with another girl for some wings
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
