I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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