Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
