one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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