dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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