Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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