but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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