:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
