I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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