It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
