I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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