just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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