Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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