Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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