btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
