listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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