Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
